50 Shades Pun Here
So not to dwell on the 50 Shades of Grey fad, but I just hope everyone is aware that E. L James is considering re-writing the trilogy from Christian Grey's perspective. We got a teeny tiny taste at the end of book 3 (50 Shades Freed) and it was....bizarre. It was just Christian talking about how Anastasia has perfect tits and how his cock twitches. I can't WAIT to read this woman's version of what an erection feels like or whatever. Or what men think about. It'll be GREAT. And AWKWARD.
Also I hope everyone knows that this woman has two teenage sons. Can you imagine? If your mom was the author of the most popular erotica of our age? (or any age I'm not an erotica expert) And can you imagine if your mom was writing about being a man having sex? if you were a boy? I would die prob. I would die anyway prob. Thats all anyone would talk to you about. "Hey didn't your mom write-" "YES YES SHUT UP."
This book series has been so funny. My friends and I would sit around and they would listen to me (painfully) read out loud. Just saying "50 Shades" as a comment on something - anything - is hilarious. It is such a good joke. But then I remember that the target demographic of this book is not a bunch of 20 somethings sitting around writing "50 Shades" on facebook pictures, the target demographic is older and more house-wifey.
I had a rude awakening to this fact a few weeks ago when I was at my mom's house for a huge family bbq. There were cousins and grandparents and babies and neighbors- it was a big shabang, as are most at my mom's house.
My step-grandma has a friend named Annie. Annie is of an unknown age, but has grandchildren...I think grandchildren in college. She wears lots of leopard print which may or may not have sequins on it. She loves jewelry - the bigger and shinier the better. She loves to gamble. She is um...from france? Or lived in France for most of her life, and my mom is convinced she has a french accent. I am pretty sure her accent resembles that of Fran Drescher from The Nanny. I don't know if we are hearing the same thing or not. The only french thing I have heard her say is "brie."
So during the bbq Annie comes up to me and whispers to me "So I hear you've been reading 50 Shades of Grey...ME TOO! Don't you just LOVE it!!!" Before this moment, I had been pretty proud of the fact that I was reading this series. It was a great thing to bring up in conversation and have everyone be somewhat in awe....probably not in awe....but you know it was a great thing to bring up and always led to something funny. But all of that immediately became moot, because I was about to have a serious conversation about it. Annie was NOT reading this book to be in the pop-culture loop and was NOT reading it because she thought it was funny but she was reading it because....well, for whatever reason people read books for. She was reading it *for serious.*
"Oh yeah....its pretty great," is how I responded. I really didn't want to talk about this like, pornographic sex book fairytale with Annie the 70-something-to-80-something woman. She proceeded to talk about how she was only in the first book, so I shouldn't spoil it, and how she loves the writing, and how Christian Grey (may not be real, but he's 27 years old) is such a hunk, and how its just so fun and oh wow the sex....and I was dying. Dying. Just lots of "uh huhs" and "mmhmms" and nodding, but dying. Then she says "I love how he calls it kinky fuckery! I just love that! Kinky fuckery! ha ha ha!!" Which yes, that is a line in the book, or a phrase or whatever, but woah. Adults swearing hasn't been shocking for many years now, but WOW that totally caught me off guard. "Yep! That is what they call it!" is what I say. Dying.
So I'm able to come up with some reason to leave, probably needed to get a drink or something, and as I'm walking away she yells out to me "I'LL THINK OF YOU WHEN I READ IT! .....OR MAYBE THATS NOT SUCH A GOOD THING!!!!!! HA! HA! HA! HA!"